Dear Canadian Cat – Special Edition

September we are highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s special edition is by my friends Kali and Shoko.  If you don’t know Kali and Shoko , you *must* go visit them and check them out on their blog The Canadian Cats.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Oh dear furry kitty heavens. What has been seen can not be unseen. I saw my humans naked…without a stitch of clothing. Why would they do that? Can you explain that to me? Signed Scarred for Life

Dear Scarred,
Land sakes alive.  The horror, the horror!  I hope the picture you sent is of you and you’re not a kit.  If, you were a kit, you’d need extensive therapy immediately.  As to why they would wander around without their coverings….who knows.  Hoomins are not known for their bashfulness.  Perhaps they were airing out their private parts like we do.  You would think they would lay down and stick their feet in the air if that were the case.  They could have been headed to the watering closet…they take their coverings off for this.  Very curious that they put on stinky coverings after getting clean.  I’m sure they weren’t trying to scare you though.  They just don’t realize how repulsive there bodies are to us.  I suggest in the future, you cover your eyes with your paws and RUN at the first glimpse of their naked bodies..  This is not safe but if you run into a wall your problem is solved.  When you come to you’ll wonder if all this was just a nightmare.  Good luck my friend.

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Water is the root of all evils my friends. Cats don’t need baths. We bathe ourselves. Why do the humans insist on dunking us – it’s like they want to baptist us. I don’t get it. Signed Walks on Water

Dear Walks on Water,
Water can be terrifying…especially when its not our idea to be anywhere near it.  Yikes!  I have a theory about hoomins sniffability and our own sensitive sniffer.  They are totally different.  When I am smelling beautiful and allow mom to get a whiff of my exciting scent…she says I stink.  How rude!!I’ll bet she wouldn’t like it if I took a sniff of her and ran away.  Wait!  I do that now.

Walks on, tell your mom how you feel and suggest dry shampoo. Your mom just brushes it in your fur and you’re good to go.  If, she still insists on baptizing you…then baptize her back again with lots of water.

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Trust me my friends. Never play in the kitchen when the humans are doing what they call cooking. The dropped a cup of something on me. Now I look like Casper. Help. Signed Cat Ghost

Dear Cat Ghost,
Hahaha….you look funny!  Lighten up Cat Ghost.  You still are cute as a button.  Let’s take a bad situation and turn it around.  This is the time to go “trick or treating”.  You’ll clean up….so to speak.

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Meow. What do I do for fun around the house? I strut around holding the dog treats in my mouth What? I look at it as helping the barky things out with their diet. Yeah. That’s it. Meow. Signed Dog Whisperer

Dear Dog Whisperer,
I like your style.  Up front and in everybody’s face.  My kind of friend.    However, the constant exposure of dog treats is positive reinforcement to your hoomin to get more treats for the dog not you.  This is not what you were aiming for.  So take those puporoni and stash them where no one will find them.  Grab a bag of your favourite treats and walk around the house.  It’s basic psychology my friend.  Now, get ready for lots of treats to come your way!

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Who says us kitties don’t get even. This will teach that dog to mess with me again. Don’t worry. I didn’t cut him. But I did take this picture to threaten him on future escapades. What do you think? Signed Corleone Cat

Dear Corleone Cat,
I’d say you made him an “offer he can’t refuse.”  Look at his eyes CC.  Anyone can tell, he’s learned his lesson well.  So, leave the knife and take his treats.  Put the knife somewhere handy though and let him know he’s padding a thin line.

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Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com