Dear Wallace and Samuel – Special Edition

September we are highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s special edition is by two cute adorable little Scottie brothers – Wallace and Samuel.  If you don’t know Wallace and Samuel, you *must* go visit them and check them out.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

Dear Wallace and Samuel,
Help. We have some really nosey and crazy neighbors. They are always trying to find out what is going on in my crib. Today I saw them looking into my window. I thought I would teach them a lesson and let them know what I thought about them. It’s amazing what a good stretch in the direction can tell them. Meow. Any more ideas? Signed Tails Up.

Dear Tails Up,
If your Peeping Tom neighbours don’t get the message after that eyeful of booty we suggest kicking it up a notch, how about treating them to a fine feline operatic performance at say 2am? Alternatively, nothing says “back off” quite like a week old dead mouse bouquet. If all else fails we recommend a good old restraining order.  Good luck!  Wally & Sammy

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
I.hate.baths. Can I say that any louder? Can I express that any louder in this picture? Get it over already and baptize me so I can get out of this tub of water. What do you suggest I think about during this torture? Signed Water Logged

Dear Water Logged,
Samuel here – I hear you loud and clear buddy! I too am not a lover of water or baths or baths filled with water. Based on personal experience I suggest you focus on the one of the following: a) the fun towel rub down you’ll get when the water torture is over OR 2) the fun you will have shaking all that water off you and onto your peep *snicker snicker* OR c) the fun you’re going to have rolling in something REALLY stinky first chance you get.  Happy daydreaming!  Sammy (and Wally)

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
My mom says that everyone has a beauty mark somewhere on their body. Mine just happens to be on my snout an looks like a heart. Do you see it? What kind of beauty mark do you have? Signed Heart of Snouts

Dear Heart of Snouts,
How frickin’ adorable are you!!  We got mom to do a full body search of both of us looking for our beauty marks and you know what…she couldn’t find one!! Not one!! We’re not going to lie, this worries us a little and we’ve asked mom to make us an appointment at the tattoo parlor asap so that we can have one made – for some reason she is dragging her paws about making the appointment. We hope we can still be friends…even though we are beauty markless.  Wally & Sammy

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
I’m sending you this picture for evidence. It was the last selfie that I took when the boys were chasing me. What? Wouldn’t you have done the same thing? Bad barks are chasing you and you take a selfie with the cell phone? What can I do to make the bad barks quit chasing me? They didn’t catch me this date. I ran into a log that they couldn’t get into. Can you help me out? Signed Faster than Pooches

Dear Faster than Pooches
This is an easy one…STOP TAKING SELFIES!! Seriously dude, put the phone down and walk away. We guarantee you those pooches won’t even sniff you twice if you get rid of the phone and start behaving like an ordinary cat. Nobuddy likes a show off especially a show off who needs to document his every move, meal and meow.  Embrace living off the grid.  Wally & Sammy

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
I don’t get it. I jumped in this box. My human dad took a pen and did something to the front. Afterward he was laughing hysterically. I don’t get it. Can you help me out? Signed Bat Cat

Dear Bat Cat
What can we say, small things amuse small (hooman) minds. We can see what effect your dad was going for here butt unfortunately it is lost as soon as you climb out of the box. We recommend pushing the box to the nearest mirror…it will all make sense then.  And remember: Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman cat, then always be Batmancat.  And remember: Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman cat, then always be Batmancat.

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Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com