September we have been highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s last special edition is by my brother Easy. If you don’t know Easy, you *must* go visit him and check him out. Tell them that Bacon sent you. Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.
Last night was great. My human dropped a pill on the floor. The next thing she knew, I ate it. I’m not sure what it was but I want more. I was so happy. So giggly. So alive! What do you think it was? Signed Feeling No Pain
Dear Feeling No Pain,
I bet it was a blue pill with a rhombic shape… they are the pills that lift anything up… really anything and anybody…. Those kind of pills you can buy when you check your spam folder. No worries that you could be fooled by a hoax, the offers start always with “Dear Friend…” and friends never fool you, right?
I think we may be related. Can’t you see the resemblance? The eyes? The nose? Maybe the good looks? I think we may even be twins separated at birth. What do you think? Signed Mirror Image
Dear Mirror Image,
It seems you are really my twin… what’s sad, because I’m sick of my singleness… butt maybe that’s just the first impression and there is a chance that we are related butt not by blood? I can see some differences on your right ear and on your nose, what’s missing the scratch I wear . Please check your pedigree and call me immediately!
I’m so pretty. I’m so fun. I’m so exciting on the farm. My human knitted my outfit for me and I love it! Don’t you? What size are you? I can get you one too so we can both have fun, fun, FUN! Signed Pretty in Pink
Dear Pretty in Pink,
Thanks that I have the chance to meet you. You must be the longlost twin of my mom. She wore exactly the same outfit like you, as they brought her home from hospital or wherever they found her.. Do you remember her? She just has no horn, butt probably hers grows inwards… Oh and btw: I’m a size XS…that means xtremely sloshed :o)
They see me rolling and they’re hating. My pops bought me this get up and I highly recommend it. You want to know why? Because it attracts the ladies. What do you wear to attract the ladies? Signed Ladies Pup
Dear Ladies Pup,
You have a very wise Pops. He knows that all girls have a shoe-obsession and that a butt is a good butt in the perfect jeans. Oh and to wear sunglasses your way has something of James Dean, I agree. Girls love rebells, so they will open you their heart and their treat packs. I have to admit that I’m a professed nudist, but maybe that’s the reason that I’m still single?
I got busted. Here’s the proof – thanks to my humans. During the day while they were at work, I got into the garbage can. I thought I was safe until this contraption got stuck on my head. Dude I couldn’t get it off. Any tips for my future escapades? Signed Lid of Shame
Dear Lid of Shame,
Your humans need a garbage can with an automatic lid, called Dive In in carnivore circles. That’s an essential equipment if they share their crib with a dog. Oh and I would remove that thingy before they come home… in worst case, next time they would save the money for a cone and try it with the lid of the treashure can…
Thank you to all of my guests that helped me host my special editions for September. Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*. Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at firstname.lastname@example.org