I have the subject locked and loaded. It’s just a matter of seconds now before this powerful machine takes off, leaps and catches his prey. I have the skills of a ninja. I’m silent and deadly. You’ll never see me coming. Do you have this kind of talent pig? Signed Sniper One
Dear Sniper One,
I’m shaking here at the Hotel Thompson in my hooves. WOW – that is some talent you have there. I’m amazed. I’m almost speechless. What was your prey? A fly? Oh I know… a piece of dust? Snorts. I don’t need to have ninja skills, or be silent to be deadly. I just need cuteness. Insert evil deviled ham snort. Carry on my friend.
I think my wife has some explaining to do. You see we got married, I had to leave for some business. I came home and there was our “baby”. I think the baby *looks* like us but is not us in some way, fashion or form. I don’t think it’s his coloring – that matches. I don’t think it’s that cute little nose – that matches. I can’t put my paw on it but I don’t think he’s mine. I think I may need to call Maury Povich for a DNA analysis. You think? Signed Mr. Rabbit
Dear Mr. Rabbit,
All that matters is love my friend. So he’s different, so what? I’m different than my mommy and daddy too. Doesn’t mean they don’t love me just the same. What’s done is done. That’s why the past is in the past. Just because something doesn’t look like us doesn’t mean we can’t love them with all of our heart.
They say that grass is greener on the other side of the fence. I tried to see. I got stuck. Awesome huh – NOT. I don’t get it. I’m an alligator. I’m stuck half way up a fence. A human sees me. What do they do? You would think help but no – let’s pull out that camera phone and take a picture of the gator stuck on the fence. Dude, if I was off this fence, I’d show them where to put that camera phone. Signed Stuck in Mid Flight
Dear Stuck in Mid Flight,
Snorticles. Really dude… I’m not snorting *at* you. I’m snorting at the situation. Let’s look at this for just a tiny minute. You said quote, “If I was off this fence, I’d show them where to put that camera phone.” That’s rich. That’s probably WHY they didn’t help you out. They were simply afraid of you. I know – I know. You can’t really blame them. They don’t see you as the cuddly, loveable snuggable type. They see teeth, nails, teeth, long tail, teeth and massive power strength. Shrugs piggy shoulders. That’s how it is dude. I do hope you got off the fence. I’m sure eventually someone did help, right? Stay strong my anipal.
I’ve been holding back in writing to you but I have this huge mystery. See, my human took this picture of me back when it was Winter. I saw this cute poodle in the hood. I went up to say hey, but she didn’t *smell* like a regular pooch? It was weird. What do you think? Have you ever seen this chick before? Signed Pugalicious
Step back from the poodle my friend. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but that poodle is nothing but cold and made of ice – snorts. Really. She’s snow my friend. You know that white stuff that falls from the sky during Winter. Some human made a poodle chick to fool you. She is kind of cute though. Look at the tail on her – hubba hubba.
It’s love. Simple as that. We have found our significant other and we are in love. We have read on your blog in the past about when two half hearts find each other and they melt together forming one it’s meant to be. We looked in each others eyes and it was like we knew all about each other and felt so at home. What can we say? Signed Two Kids in Love
Dear Two Kids in Love,
aaww – That picture tells me *everything* I need to know. You two were MADE for each other in every way possible. Carry on and live long!
Remember to send your questions/pictures to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
*YOU* make my weekly Dear Bacon issues – thank you my friends!