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Dear Coach – Special Edition

22 Jul

Oh my friends – we’ve got a good one for you this week.  My tummy hurts from laughing so hard.  My buddy Eli Pacheco, AKA Coach Daddy, is filling in for me this week.  Oh my friends.  When he sent me these replies, I almost spit an entire glass of water on my computer screen.  I hope you enjoy these as much as we did here at the Hotel Thompson.  Please be sure to visit his blog and show him some love.  Tell him that Bacon sent you 🙂

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Dear Coach Daddy,

I’m not a kitten anymore. I want to look … sophisticated. I’ve changed many behaviors already. I won’t chase yarn balls, and I never fall for the light-on-the-floor trick. Well, rarely. I recently discovered some makeup stored near my litter box. What do you think? Chic, or no?  Signed,  Meeee-yowza

Dear Meeee-yowza,

That is a mature look. Eye makeup does work sometimes, on some discriminating cats. Jenni-purr Lawrence, for example. With your skin tone, you might consider the natural look. Or consult Arlene, from Garfield fame. Now there’s a cat who can wear makeup.  Signed,  Coach Daddy

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Dear Coach Daddy,

My two brothers and I are inseparable. We dig holes side by side. We bury bones side by side. We even circle up and mark a fire hydrant side by side. Recently, though, one of us has fallen victim to flatulence. I’m certain it isn’t me, but it’s unbearable. What can we do?  Signed, Silent but Deadly

Dear Silent but Deadly,

I take it you all are reading this. I cannot diagnose you, or prevent it from happening. Whoever the skunky one is can perhaps bark when you poot, to mask the sound. I have nothing to mask the smell, unfortunately. Perhaps lay off the Snausages?  Signed,  Coach Daddy

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Dear Coach D20140702-215803-79083919.jpgaddy,

I need dating advice. I’ve heard the ladies have a soft spot for the pug, but I don’t see it happening. I even work out and eat eggs for a beautiful coat. I read online that fancy urination is all the rage in Europe. I think this pose will be a lady killer. What do you think of it?  Signed,  Zorro of the Pee Pee

Dear Zoro of the Pee Pee,

That’s quite some form, and I’m certain for the right audience, it’ll be a real hit, especially when your audience is in heat. It’s overdone, though. I’d suggest some flair – maybe try to spell your beloved’s name with your stream. A man has to make a name for himself, after all.  Signed, Coach Daddy

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Dear Coach Daddy,

Shh. I think I hear them coming. No, it’s clear. Listen. I came from a house full of cats when I was just a pup. Nowadays, I am an only pet in a happy home – but the cats, they still haunt my dreams. It’s as if they’re … watching me. Ever get that feeling?  Signed,  Nervous Nellie

Dear Nervous Nellie,

I know the feeling, girlfriend. It always seems like I’m tossing cats’ eyes on the dice. And when you turn and look? No one there. I’m glad you wrote. I thought I was the only one. I think you’re fine … but, I’d keep my back to the wall when you’re at the food bowl – just in case.  Signed,  Coach Daddy

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Dear Coach Daddy,20140702-220539-79539699.jpg

I’m a Great Dane who has always played by the rules. I never chew up shoes, mess on the sidewalk or bark at night. Recently, a spicy little Cavalier King Charles named Gigi has blown into my life like a dogcatcher’s net. She’s turned my life upside down.   She chews shoes, barks at night, and questions authority, as you can see in this photo I took of her. See? She’s such a rebel. Do you see a future for us?  Signed, Right-wing Rufus

Dear Rufus,

Love is a splendid mess, amigo. Maybe you and Gigi will give each other balance. She’ll show you how to toss caution to the wind and chase mailmen. You can show her the benefit of restraint and order. It looks to me like the start of something beautiful. You go dawg.  Signed,  Coach Daddy

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Thanks again to Coach to helping me out this week.  Be sure to check his blog out my friends.  And remember, Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please keep sending me your photographs and letters!  

 
41 Comments

Posted by on 07/22/2014 in Dear Bacon

 

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41 responses to “Dear Coach – Special Edition

  1. wallaceandsamuel

    07/22/2014 at 1:35 am

    What pawsome, level headed advice – high five paws Coach Daddy!
    Wally & Sammy

     
    • PigLove

      07/22/2014 at 9:46 am

      Wasn’t he great. Such fantastic letters this week! XOXO – Bacon

       
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:13 am

      Thanks boys! I’m here if you ever need me.

       
      • laurie27wsmith

        07/25/2014 at 3:58 am

        MATE! You’ve become an agony aunt to pampered pets, I don’t know what to say, really, what is the world coming to? Actually it was very funny. good one Eli.
        Cheers
        Laurie.

         
      • PigLove

        07/25/2014 at 9:01 am

        Coach did a great job filling in for me this week. Us anipals appreciated his thoughtfulness in helping us out. Watch out Dear Abby… we are slowly taking over the world! XOXO – Bacon

         
      • laurie27wsmith

        07/25/2014 at 7:04 pm

        He always does, I think he has a lot of talent. bacon eh? Love it. 🙂

         
      • Eli Pacheco

        07/25/2014 at 9:22 am

        I had to find *someone* (or something) that would listen to me, mate!

         
      • laurie27wsmith

        07/25/2014 at 7:06 pm

        But will they take any notice mate? That little guy peeing up the post isn’t going to stop anytime soon.

         
      • Eli Pacheco

        07/25/2014 at 9:24 pm

        He’ll learn when he does it downwind a couple times.

         
      • laurie27wsmith

        07/26/2014 at 2:20 am

        Ha, ha, ha. funny.

         
  2. Molly The Wally

    07/22/2014 at 4:08 am

    Nice one. We see there is a stinky theme going round Blogville. Must be catching LOL. Have a terrific Tuesday.
    Best wishes Molly

     
    • PigLove

      07/22/2014 at 9:49 am

      The humans find it strange. Us anipals think it’s a snort. Have a great Tuesday sweet Molly! XOXO – Bacon

       
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:14 am

      Thanks Molly. I thought I’d just stepped in something.

       
  3. easyweimaraner

    07/22/2014 at 4:33 am

    hahahah that’s really the ladykiller-pose… and maybe that even works for the three guys with the flatulences :o)

     
    • PigLove

      07/22/2014 at 9:50 am

      Snorts – you might be right brother. That’s too funny. I tried that standing on my head peeing stance. Didn’t work out so good for me. I’ll be the first to tell you it’s easier to squat and drop – snorticles. XOXO – Bacon

       
      • easyweimaraner

        07/22/2014 at 10:20 am

        bro… I heard such showers are very healthy :o)

         
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:15 am

      Oh, it’s going to take more than a lady pose to overcome that odor. I really think if they cut down on snausages …

       
      • easyweimaraner

        07/23/2014 at 9:24 am

        hahaha… but this pose would be good for the circulaion of the odor :O)

         
  4. Reilly & Denny

    07/22/2014 at 6:10 am

    oh oh that yoga pose could present some real problems – given that pee tends to run down !!!

     
    • PigLove

      07/22/2014 at 9:51 am

      Snorts. Trust me, I figured that out myself the hard way. Although it is quite the look and eye catching, I do not recommend it. Nope. Not at all. XOXO – Bacon <>

       
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:15 am

      I should have addressed that! Pugs don’t often do well with physics.

       
  5. onespoiledcat

    07/22/2014 at 6:13 am

    Well done Coach Daddy……great advice to the troubled amongst us!

    Hugs, Sammy

     
    • PigLove

      07/22/2014 at 9:51 am

      He did a fantastic job didn’t he cousin. These letters keep getting better and better. XOXO – Bacon

       
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:16 am

      Just doing my parts, Sammy! Have to put this experience of mine to good use.

       
  6. mythreemoggies

    07/22/2014 at 7:00 am

    Well done Coach Daddy (love the name) you had some challenges there 🙂

     
    • PigLove

      07/22/2014 at 9:52 am

      Snorts. I think so too. He was a trooper though. Great advice to anipals world wide. XOXO – Bacon

       
  7. katiebblogs

    07/22/2014 at 8:00 am

    Oh Coach Daddy, you sure dole out some good advice!

     
    • PigLove

      07/22/2014 at 9:53 am

      He was fun, wasn’t he? I thought daddy was going to fall off the couch when he read these letters. XOXO – Bacon

       
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:16 am

      Thanks Katie … if you ever need me …

       
  8. guineapigsqueak

    07/22/2014 at 10:26 am

    Hehe, what super advice!
    The Pigs xx

     
    • PigLove

      07/22/2014 at 10:36 am

      He did a great job he did. Another great help to all of these anipals. XOXO – Bacon

       
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:17 am

      Time will tell!

       
  9. katsrus

    07/22/2014 at 10:30 am

    That’s some great advice.
    Sue B

     
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:17 am

      Aren’t you just rooting for Rufus?

       
  10. purrfectkitties

    07/22/2014 at 2:44 pm

    That’s some PAWSOME advice! What fun! 😀 xx Roxy & Tigerlino ❤

     
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:18 am

      Thanks Rox and Tigerlino. Especially keep in mind the stuff about cosmetics …

       
  11. Misaki

    07/22/2014 at 4:52 pm

    Fabulous advice!

     
    • PigLove

      07/22/2014 at 5:01 pm

      Thanks my friend. Coach did a great job helping out this week. XOXO – Bacon

       
    • Eli Pacheco

      07/23/2014 at 9:18 am

      I did the best anyone on two legs could hope for!

       
    • PigLove

      07/25/2014 at 6:53 am

      Aaww. Thanks my buddy. I really appreciate you filling in for me. It was awesome! XOXO – Bacon

       

This piggy would love to snort with you :)

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