Humans are Weird

That’s right.  I said it out loud.  Humans are weird.  Mine have *got* to be at the top of the list.  Rolls piggy eyes.  I think this sign, “Beware All Ye Who Enter” should be on our front door. It was a strange Sunday yesterday.  Mom and dad got up and piddled around the Hotel Thompson.  Then mom sat on her sofa and looked at dad across from her sitting on his sofa playing what of course – Angry Birds.  That’s when it started.  I wanted to know what was going on so I jumped on the sofa with mom.  It kind of went like this:

MOM:  “Whatcha doing?”

DAD:  “Nothing much.”

Oh poor daddy of mine – when will you ever learn NOT to say those words to mom – snorts

MOM:  “Good, we need to clean the bathroom today”.

DAD:  “I’m busy.”

MOM:  “No you’re not.  You just said you were doing nothing.”

Mom wins every battle this way – snorts.  Daddy mumbled something about when he found this “WE” fellow he was going to beat him up bad.  But he was a good man, he got up and followed mom down the hall.  You’re probably saying, “What’s the big deal?  It’s just cleaning the bathroom”.  That’s where you would be wrong – snorts.  Mom was wanting to CLEAN the entire bathroom – as in walls, tub, sink, floor, cabinets, changing shower curtain – the entire works.  And of course with mom’s arthritis, she can’t get in and grove like she once did.  That’s where daddy comes in – she needed his quote “Brute strength”.

They went in and shut the door.  They wouldn’t let any of us anipals inside with them.  We heard a lot of giggles.  A lot of laughter.  Something about WE was going to have to die from daddy.  Things got thrown in the hallway.  The laundry basket, trash, clothes – what *WERE* they doing in there?  They were in the bathroom for over an hour!

Then the door opened – WOW – you could hear the angels singing it was that sparkly.  I was in piggy awe.  And then mom did the thing she said she “deserved” after all of that – she took the smelliest bubble bath I’ve ever seen.

Do your parents do weird things like this?

 

One of “Those” Nights

Last night started off like it normally does.  Mom ran around the house getting everything ready for Monday – the start of another glorious week – rolls piggy eyes.  She told me to get ready for bed and I did.  Mom then came in and gave me a strawberry and told me a short bedtime story.  You know – the normal things for this little piggy.  After my story, she kissed me on the forehead, told me good night, she loved me and left my room.

I wasn’t all the way asleep yet though.  I tried to go to sleep.  I closed my eyes tight and dreamed about my sweet purr thing.  I dreamed about chasing sheep over fences.  I even tried to focus on my counting skills.  But nope – nothing.  Sleep just wouldn’t come.

So I did what all little piggies do.  I pulled up my Egyptian cotton sheet around me and let the silk rub against my piggy skin.  It was nice and cozy!  Then out of the blue – BAM – it hit me.  I had to tinkle.  Why do you do that nature?  Why when you get the most comfortable surroundedby your silk sheets do you hit us and we have to go tinkle?  Explain that.

So you get up, stumble over to your wee-wee pad and take a wizzle.  And yes for the first time I will show you a picture of me wizzing.  Why?  Because that mother of mine doesn’t know about BOUNDARIES.  That’s right mom.  Sometimes a pig needs PRIVACY.  Hint – hint.

But do notice my techniques.  Tail up in the back, legs stretched out.  I think it’s a great form and I would give myself a ten – snorts.  And notice the light in the picture.  I didn’t turn on the light.  This light is from a piggy nightlight that my cousin Sammy sent me a while back.  I ❤ that nightlight.  Thanks cousin!

So you take care of “When Nature Calls” and then you are in a pickle.  I mean, mommy already tucked me in and now she’s asleep.  I’ve done my business but I need some mommy loving.  I do what I do best.  I pitter patter over to my bedroom door and call for her by snorting and stomping.  This concerns her so she rushes to me.  I think I have her trained… you think?

So mommy came back in my room to tuck me back into bed.  But now I’m thirsty – go figure.  I am a kid at heart – snorts.  I convince her that I need a drink and just a little snack before bed… again.  We walk to that heavenly place that I like to call a kitchen and get some water and Animal Crackers.  See, mommy *thinks* she has me trained.  Don’t tell her it’s the other way around okay.

Then when go back to my bedroom where she tucks me back in to bed and wraps my Egyptian cotton sheet all around me like the original piggy in a blanket.   Aaaww – that feels good.

But not only does mom wrap me up and tuck me in, she talks to me and pets me until I go back to sleep – for good this time.  Can you say contented little man?  Yep, that would be me friends.  Contentment shows in this picture.  And believe it or not, this time Mother Nature didn’t interfere.

Mommy waited until I was fast asleep and could feel my tummy going up and down in a pattern before she left my room.  In fact, I don’t remember her leaving because I was asleep dreaming.  Dreaming about my magical backyard… my friends out in the yard – Rocky the Squirrel, my Unicorn and my Bigfoot.  We were all playing and chasing each other.  Nice dream.

So have you ever had difficulties like this in getting to sleep?