Dear Chloe – Special Edition

This week we have a great special edition of Dear Bacon.  This week my friend Chloe is stepping in to help me out.   Be sure to check out Chloe’s blog and tell her what a wonderful job she did this week.  I’m telling you – that cow has skills!  Snorts

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Dear Chloe,
HELP! The human thinks it is funny to dress me in between two buns. I feel the need to eat my way out. Can you help a chick out? What can I do? Signed NOT a Chicken Sandwich

Dear NOT a Chicken Sandwich,  I promise I am not trying to lecture you, but have you ever heard something about the color of grass, depending on which side of the fence you are on (I hope that’s not just a cow phrase)? This might be one of those cases…I don’t think they are looking at this as clothing; merely a blanket…cuz you are cold without all your official feathers. So nestle in, little chickie, and enjoy the love.

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Dear Chloe,
The master of the house doesn’t believe me but I got it on film finally! This is how my brother treats me when no one is looking. He’s such a bully. Can you help me out? Signed Tongue Twister.

Dear Tongue Twister,  Eeek! I can tell by the look on your face that your brother’s actions really hurt you. Three words, Twister. Ghost Pepper Powder (ghostpepper.com). Because I can tell you are sensitive, retreat to backyard after you pop some on that outstretched tongue; you don’t want to witness his pain learning curve. I did this once to my sister and we had no further problems. Best thing? She couldn’t tell on me without hanging herself in the process. #ThePerfectCrime

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Dear Chloe,
Did someone say pool time? I’m ready. Went to the pool and the other animals here at Old McDonalds farm said I couldn’t get in. Stomps hooves – why can’t I? Signed Horse Dive

Dear Horse Dive,  You certainly look geared up with all the proper safety equipment! I am flummoxed as to why you wouldn’t be allowed in? It must be one of two reasons. 1) The rules of physics aren’t conducive–the size of the pool must exceed the size of your rear or 2) You have behaved like a donkey. Donkeys are never ever ever allowed in pools, even if the physics work out. Cows, however, always get in.  ;oP

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Dear Chloe,
I think I’ve been had by the stupid dog again. The dog told me there was something good on top of the stove in the pot. I checked. There was nothing. Do you think the dog set me up? Signed Boiling Cat

Dear Boiling Cat,  Uuuum. I don’t even know where to start. You are oh-so-cute, but you have GOT to stop trusting that dog. I would dare say, do the opposite of what he says as a general rule. Also? If he tells you he has Ocean-front property in Arizona, PLEASE tell him you’ve heard that song, already. Please. In fact, if he ever wants you to fork over your allowance or savings, let me know BEFORE your money leaves your precious paw! One last thing, you adorable cuss, you? Move, quick! That nasty smell is called burning hair and it’s YOURS!

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Dear Chloe,
There I was floating on the water minding my own business when this bird thought he was going to pick on me. What he didn’t know was that my mom was underneath me. Ha. That’ll teach him. Have you ever had these problems when you were small? Signed Tiny but Dangerous

Dear Tiny but Dangerous,  Woah! That is one clever trick. I ALMOST feel bad for the bird. Almost. I look at you and wonder exactly at what point you turn from a cutsie little thing to that monster you are riding on? When I was small, my mom did not let me ride on her back (I was not nearly as cute as you!). She did, however, teach me not to eat the rocks, which is probably just as valuable for a cow.

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Thank you so much my friend Chloe!  

REMEMBER friends we can’t have a Dear Bacon issue without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and questions at baconthompson@gmail.com