Bacons Tales of Terror

 Hello my friends – Count Baconula here for Bacons Tales of Terror – on today this Friday the 13th – insert evil scary music.  Today, we have a good one.  An actual true story into terror.  Are you ready?  Do you think you can withstand the horror?  Buckle up my friends, this is a good one.

Daddy, he’s a tough kind of guy. He used to play football in his younger days.  You know a rough and tumble kind of guy who doesn’t freak out or get scared that easily.  Us anipals at the Hotel Thompson know this about him. He’s a toughee.   Well, you know sometimes it’s the little things that can bring down a big guy.

Take for instance earlier in the week.  Daddy has routine that is more structured than mine – well it seems that way.  He did his morning chores and then jumped in the shower like he always does.  That was his first mistake – taking a shower.  His second mistake – leaving the door open to the bathroom.  Insert evil snorts and evil purr sounds.

Me, Hemi and Mouse Girl stood outside in the hallway.  It was a secret mission that we put together.  Since I’m a miniature pot bellied pig, I was too big for the mission.  Mouse Girl, well she didn’t have the gusto for the mission either.  But Hemi, Hemi is the Fear Factor purr thing here at the Hotel Thompson.  He took the mission and ran with it.

Mouse Girl stood as a look out in the front room just in case someone came in… I know not likely to happen but still.  I took the look out in the hallway.  Hemi started up his ninja moves and we could hear the theme to Mission Impossible starting to play.  He went left then right and slowly inched his way to the side of the tub.  We could all hear daddy singing off key with not a thought or fear to the world.

Then Hemi maneuvered his little acrobatic feline body into position on the tub ledge right in between the inside shower curtain and the outside decorative curtain.  I looked at Mouse Girl and she gave me the go ahead.  I slowly tiptoed on my hooves into the bathroom and swatted Hemi’s tail that was hanging down for the go ahead.  I then slowly edged myself back out of the bathroom.

About that time, Hemi took his extra large paws and with three swipes hit daddy in the buttocks.

When I tell you that daddy screams like a girl, I’m not lying.  If he was a cat, I think he would have used eight of his lives in that single moment.  In fact, I don’t think us anipals here at the Hotel Thompson have even heard mommy scream like that.  I’m surprised it didn’t crack the bathroom mirror.

It’s a good thing daddy was almost finished with his shower.  He could hardly walk out of the bathroom.  His idea of fast was a snail’s pace because he was shaking so bad.  Of course, we all acted innocently.  We were all in the front room watching television like, “What up dad?”

Of course, he knew what we did.  That was abundantly clear when he called mommy and told on us.  The funny thing, I think I heard mommy laughing on the other end of the phone.  She said we did him good – real good.  I guess she was thinking we got him back for all of his jokes this week with the Christmas decorations.  Snorts.

So the next time you are taking a shower, remember a couple of things.

 (1) Shut the door and LOCK it;

(2) Men do scream like girls;

(3) Make sure you know where your anipals are.  They watch television and movies too. 🙂

Happy Friday the 13th my friends!