Oh NO – Not *That* Word

Mom has went over the ledge – you know that fine line of sanity.  She is talking all kinds of crazy stuff this week.  She mentioned *THAT* word.  You know the one I’m referring to.  That four lettered dirty word that should not be said in the Hotel Thompson.  Come closer – I’ll spell it for you – D.I.E.T.  Thud – piggy down.

Thankfully, she is talking about herself and doing this crazy thing called – well you know what it’s called… insanity.  I have a physique to take care of.  I can’t be bothered with not eating.  I have to maintain my pot bellied belly and figure, right?

But to help mom out, I’ve started reading up on this D.I.E.T. stuff.  Heavens to mergatroid!  There’s a reason that the first three letters of the word spell out DIE.  You can’t eat any good stuff.  No grains, no breads, no potatoes, no processed foods – whatever will she live on – celery and carrots?

We ALL know what happens to mom when she starts speaking crazy talk like this here at the Hotel Thompson.  We suffer.  I’m sure she will make daddy start doing these crazy things as well.  Last time they were on this crazy way of eating, they looked at me funny.  Funny like their eyes started glazing over and they licked their lips.  I think daddy even licked me one time during that phase.

Lord friends – what am I going to do?  There’s only so many places to hide around here.  Help?  Suggestions?