Response from the Hotel Thompson

Dear Bacon,

We are in receipt of your letter from yesterday.  We apologize for the way you think the service has fallen on the weekends at the Hotel Thompson.  We appreciate you taking the time to contact us to let us know of our fallen ways.  We have taken great thought to some of your remarks and we have a few of our own, as we should since every story has two sides.

First of all, Sunday cleaning day.  Everyone at the Hotel Thompson pulls their weight around here at this establishment.  Just be glad that you don’t get the bathroom detail – that goes to Princess Mouse Girl and she doesn’t complain.  And Hemi with his huge paws, he gets dusting detail – he doesn’t complain.  You in fact my dear, are a little pig headed.  You like to fight clean day.  Let’s talk about bath nights at the Hotel Thompson.  You neglected to tell everyone how bull headed you are in taking your bath.  You don’t mind stripping down to naked world and running through the house but you try to avoid the tub like there’s no tomorrow.  We’re not asking for a bath every week, but once a month on bath night perhaps you can be so kind to actually help and not cause a fuss.  Sometimes it sounds like we are killing you here and what would the neighbors think then?  I’ll tell you what they will think.  That you are a wussy.  Yep, we said it little man.  Bath up okay.

Second of all, do you know how much you enjoy mommy/piggy time?  Well, daddy likes to enjoy mommy/daddy time too.  It’s only fair since mommy gets shared with all of you – you, Hemi and Mouse Girl.  Daddy deserves some time as well.  Especially since he keeps you in the life that you are accustomed.  If mom and dad want to go out and have a ‘date night’, then they should.  And before you go eeeww, just remember one day you will be dating too.  You have to do everything to keep it fresh and romantic.

Third of all, Bacon sweet Bacon – you have more mood swings sometimes than a pharmacist has pills.  Not that *we* are complaining.  We take the good – we take the bad – it’s the facts of life.  Regardless of your behavior, we still love you and cater to your every little need.  You seem to be the apple of your mom’s eyes.

Fourth of all, you may have less snacks on the weekends, but tell the truth about your meals.  You actually get cooked to order pancakes, omelets, fresh fruit and actual tacos or pizza on the weekends.  WOW – figure that.  Less snacks but more home cooked meals.  And you always get a treat on your pillow during turn down service.  You’ve never go to bed hungry.

Therefore let’s discuss your accomodations here at the Hotel Thompson shall we. 

• You have free roam of the facility.  You have air conditioning and heat in a temperature controlled environment. 
• You are guaranteed 3 meals and usually 2 snacks during the week.  Sometimes on the weekends, it might be 3 meals and possibly 1 snack. 
• You have your very own bedroom…. all to yourself.  Not even the purr things here go into your room unless you invite them in.
• You have your own television, DVD and Netflix account in your very own bedroom.
• You get mommy/piggy time on the sofa in the front room watching television.
• You get piggy massages and rub downs.
• You have your very own piggy toys.
• You have your very own pet – Bashful.  He should keep you company now on the weekends when mom and dad have date night.
• AND, you have your very own computer with internet access.

Needless to say Bacon, we think here at the Hotel Thompson you need to re-evaluate your issues with us.  It seems to the management, that you have it made my friend.  I don’t believe other piggies that live in nature have it made like you do.  But, if you have anymore complaints, please feel free to write.

Sincerely,

Management – Hotel Thompson

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

I need some help.  I experience a lot of road rage when I’m driving these days.  Any suggestions?  Signed Mad Cat

Dear Mad Cat,

First of all let’s just start with, what the heck are you thinking?  Step away from the back of the wheel.  That might be the problem in itself.  You should not be driving my furry little animal.  Leave that crazy behavior to the humans.  Step away!

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Dear Bacon,

Just to show you, you’re not the only little four legged animal to be surfing the net.  I’m forever doing it myself while the missus sits on the couch behind me watching television.  Man, we can learn a lot from that internet, can’t we?  Signed Dog in Charge

Dear Dog in Charge,

You got that right my friend.  The internet is huge.  Some of the things I find are unreal!  I’m glad to see you computer savy.  I may have to get you to write an article for my blog!

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Dear Bacon,

The humans – they are so funny… well they think they are.  The master put this watermelon on my head and then called me a melon head.  I don’t get it.  Do you?  Signed Melon Head

Dear Melon Head,

I don’t get the saying but I do get the watermelon.  I love me some watermelon.  They can put it on my little head but it won’t stay there that long.  I will eat that watermelon rind in about 3 minutes flat!  Yum – Yum!

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Dear Bacon,

As you know, when we find that comfy spot – we go for it.  This is how the master found me.  But I was good.   Really, I was.  Signed Contortionist Pooch

Dear Contortionist Pooch,

WOW – that is quite the pretzel sleep look you got going there.  I’m all about getting into that one position that makes the Sandman come but that takes the top spot.  I don’t really have that kind of flexibility with you know my pot belly and everything.  You actually might have a career in the circus with the way that you can bend. 

It kind of makes me hurt just looking at that position.

 

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Dear Bacon,

You know how they say people wear their hearts on their sleeves?  Well, I wear mine on my hind quarters.  What do you think?  Signed Love

Dear Love,

I have to admit I snorted and giggled.  That was funny my friend.  That is quite the birthmark you have there.  I think it’s kind of cute.  I like it my friend!  Wear it with pride.