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Dear Bacon

11 Sep

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Dear Bacon,

Listen fellow swine.  How do you get it made so easily?  I live outside.  I don’t get my own room in the house.  Heck, the closest I get to the house is what they call a dog house.  I don’t get air conditioning or room service…let alone turn down service at night with bedtime stories.  Tell me pig – tell me how you got all that.  Signed Bushwhacked

Dear Bushwhacked,

I’m sorry little dude.  My adopted parents didn’t have children and wanted a baby to nurture.  They picked me.  It was the best choice they could have made.  Some of us just get lucky that way.  You have nice things too.  You get to run and play outside and roll in the mud.  It’s not all luxury at Hotel Thompson.  I have to take weekly baths – can you imagine?!  I also have to live with 2 cats.  You think I got it made – those things think they rule the roost here.  I have to keep them in line.  Hang in there dude.  The grass is not always greener on the other side of the railroad tracks. 

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Dear Bacon,

Welcome to the wild side.  I’m a wild crab.  I like to party.  I like to boogey.  What say you come to the beach and let your wild side down for a change.  Signed Crabby Cakes.

Dear Crabby Cakes,

Uumm, no.  You really shouldn’t smoke dude.  It stunts your growth.  Look at yourself in the mirror.  Thanks for the offer though.  I respect your lifestyle.  I’m just not a party pig. 

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Dear Bacon,

I hear you talking about your two purr brothers all of the time.  I would love to meet them.  They could take Catarate with me.  This is one of my moves that won me a medal at the CatOlympics.  I could probably even teach you a couple of new tricks.  Signed Catarate the Puss

Dear Catarate the Puss,

Never underestimate my two purr brothers, especially Hemi.  I think they would definitely enjoy your classes.  I just don’t think *I’m* ready for the outcome of those classes… if you know what I mean.  Congratulations on your medal at the CatOlympics.  Keep up the hard work.  By the way, I’m digging your outfit. 

 

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Dear Bacon,

I’m a heavy metal squrriel rocker.  Down to my squirrel collar and ear ring.  I’m bad to the bone.  When I’m in the neighborhood hunting nuts, people just hand them over to me.  That’s how bad I am.  Maybe we can come up with a look for you little man.  What do you think – punk pig?  Signed Punk Squirrel

Dear Punk Squirrel,

Okay, I’ve seen it all now.  I do appreciate your Mohawk.  I sport one myself from time to time.  As for the ear ring – I leave those to mom.  The squirrel collar, I don’t care for.  I don’t like anything around my neck.  My mom learned that a long time ago.  The look is cute though.  You can lose the cigarette and still look punking.  Why burn down your home in the tree with all of that smoke?  Rock on!

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20120911-073933.jpgDear Bacon,

Hee hee – Thought I would send this to you to make you laugh.  Some days, I like to put glasses on my butt above my tail and walk around the neighborhood.  It makes people wonder and laugh.  Signed – Laughing Hound Dog

Dear Laughing Hound Dog,

Oh wow!  That is an excellent one.  I love that so much.  Thanks for sharing.  You already have your Halloween costume!!

 
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Posted by on 09/11/2012 in Uncategorized

 

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This piggy would love to snort with you :)

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