Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

Every  morning, I wake up my master with this grin on my face.  It’s like a bright hello to him.  He says that it scares him.  What do you think?  Signed – Grin and Bare It

Dear Grin and Bare It,

Well, I can see where your master is going with this.  He’s in sleep land, you nudge him and he wakes up to see this.  It could go real bad real quick.  You kind of have that erie clown look on your face.  I say I’m with your master on this one.  Refrain from the grin my man.

 

Dear Bacon,

You  have to help me little man.  The humans in my life think it’s funny to give me a haircut like this.  Can you imagine?  The disgrace of having to go outside lately is beyond me.  The neighborhood cats got wind of my dilemna.  They come and look in the windows now and laugh at me hysterically.  What to do?  Signed – Furless in Miami

Dear Furless in Miami,

WOW – that is some cut you have there.  There’s two ways I look at this.  You can (A) sport it in style.  It makes you look different.  You can stand out and be the top cat cause nobody else wants to rock that look, you know.  Or, (B) payback is real hard sometimes my friend.  When the humans are asleep, you can come up with some very interesting ways of paying them back.  The choice is yours.

 

Dear Bacon,

I gotta problem.  My fellow purr thing beats the crap out of me.  As you can see from this photograph that the master took, the purr thing has no problems in drop kicking me.  Of course, the master thinks its quite humorous because I’m a big rough looking dog getting beaten up by a pussy cat.  I just don’t have the heart to hurt something smaller than me like that.  What can I do? Signed – Wimpy wimpy dog

Dear Wimpy,

Even I had to laugh at this picture big dog.  That kitty is kicking you really hard, enough to have dog drool coming out of the side of your mouth.  Are you insane?  I understand your kindness to your fellow fur friends but man you need to stand up for yourself.  I’m not saying hurt the cat, but stand your ground.  Take your paw and push him away.  You have to let him know that you are not taking this anymore.  When you do, I think you find yourself not being the cats personal punching bag anymore.  Good luck to you.  Only you can prevent this.

 

Dear Bacon,

I love yoga!  I’ve created an entire set of yoga positions just for cats.  My friends come over and we do them 3 times a week.  I call this move sitting back yawn cat position.  It stretches all of your muscles and lets your vocals out.  Of course the humans think I’m weird.  What do you think?  Signed – Downward Kitty Pose

Dear Downward Kitty Pose,

Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your health sweets.  I say go for it!  Maybe the humans can learn some techniques and start doing them with you.  Happy health and exercise!

 

Routine Interrupted

Yes, I have my routine in the morning.  During the week, I wake mom up for work.  She gets up, fixes my breakfast and I eat it.  I do my business and then it’s snuggle time with mom.  I consider this ‘our’ time… just us.  We watch the morning news together, she rubs my tummy and I snore.  We’ve been doing this for almost 11 months now.  It’s *my* routine during the week.  I always wake up with mommy. 

This morning, dad got up with mom.  Shaking my head.  He just doesn’t get the routine.  He delayed mom in getting my breakfast because he was in the kitchen.  Mom can’t shut the kitchen gate until he gets out or he gets stuck in there… which might I add would have been a good thing this morning.  Mom late with my breakfast doesn’t set well with me.  I’m pig headed about that.  He finally got out and shut the gate. 

Mom went to get me and when I came flying down the hall to my feed mat dad was in the hallway.  He almost got mowed down by this little pig doing 90 in the hallway.  He fussed.  Get over it – you’re not suppose to be in the hall dad.  snort

I ate my breakfast, did my business and came back into the front room looking for my mom to be on the couch waiting for me for our snuggle time.  She wasn’t there.  I looked around and dad had her attention fixing his breakfast.  What is this?!  She finally got to me for our time. 

But hey what’s this on television?  It’s not our normal news.  Dad is watching something he wanted to look at.  And, instead of me snuggling with mom for our normal 30 minutes, it was cut to like 20 minutes because she was running late for work.  Running late for work why do you ask?  Because our routine got side swiped.  Sigh – it’s going to be a rough day for old pops…. off to make plans for him now.  🙂