The Great Outdoors – NOT

There are pigs that stay outside all of the time. They stay out in the elements with the heat in the summer and the coolness in the fall. They let nature touch them like dirt, grass, bugs and did I mention the heat? And what about the pollen. Can you say eeww.

Mommy forgets that I’m a PSP (Pampered Spoiled Pig). I don’t do nature. I’m used to the great indoors. I’m used to my own room. I’m used to my toddler bed. I’m used to my television. I’m used to air conditioning. Did I mention that I’m a PSP?

Well mommy got the great idea that she would show me the great outdoors. She thought I would enjoying running loose around our gated backyard. So she calls me to the back door and opens it. She walks outside and calls me. I looked at her, turned around and went back into the front room watching television.

She calls me again. I walked to the back door again and looked at her. I’m trying to send her a telepathic message of, “Moms its hot there. Why?”. I turned around again and went back into the front room.

That mom of mine. She is persistent. Almost as pigheaded as me. She thought she would bribe me with food to come outside. Food always works, right? She called me for a third time. She’s standing outside waving a piece of bread to get my privileged little hooves out in nature. I looked at her. Nah, it wasn’t worth it. I turned around and went back into the from room.

I can’t be the only one like this. I’m sorry. I just don’t do nature. Especially in this 100-102 degree weather. Y’all keep cool.