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Dear Wallace and Samuel – Special Edition

September we are highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s special edition is by two cute adorable little Scottie brothers – Wallace and Samuel.  If you don’t know Wallace and Samuel, you *must* go visit them and check them out.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

IMG_0041.JPGDear Wallace and Samuel,
Help. We have some really nosey and crazy neighbors. They are always trying to find out what is going on in my crib. Today I saw them looking into my window. I thought I would teach them a lesson and let them know what I thought about them. It’s amazing what a good stretch in the direction can tell them. Meow. Any more ideas? Signed Tails Up.

Dear Tails Up,
If your Peeping Tom neighbours don’t get the message after that eyeful of booty we suggest kicking it up a notch, how about treating them to a fine feline operatic performance at say 2am? Alternatively, nothing says “back off” quite like a week old dead mouse bouquet. If all else fails we recommend a good old restraining order.  Good luck!  Wally & Sammy

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
I.hate.baths. Can I say that any louder? Can I express that any louder in this picture? Get it over already and baptize me so I can get out of this tub of water. What do you suggest I think about during this torture? Signed Water Logged

Dear Water Logged,
Samuel here – I hear you loud and clear buddy! I too am not a lover of water or baths or baths filled with water. Based on personal experience I suggest you focus on the one of the following: a) the fun towel rub down you’ll get when the water torture is over OR 2) the fun you will have shaking all that water off you and onto your peep *snicker snicker* OR c) the fun you’re going to have rolling in something REALLY stinky first chance you get.  Happy daydreaming!  Sammy (and Wally)

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
My mom says that everyone has a beauty mark somewhere on their body. Mine just happens to be on my snout an looks like a heart. Do you see it? What kind of beauty mark do you have? Signed Heart of Snouts

Dear Heart of Snouts,
How frickin’ adorable are you!!  We got mom to do a full body search of both of us looking for our beauty marks and you know what…she couldn’t find one!! Not one!! We’re not going to lie, this worries us a little and we’ve asked mom to make us an appointment at the tattoo parlor asap so that we can have one made – for some reason she is dragging her paws about making the appointment. We hope we can still be friends…even though we are beauty markless.  Wally & Sammy

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
I’m sending you this picture for evidence. It was the last selfie that I took when the boys were chasing me. What? Wouldn’t you have done the same thing? Bad barks are chasing you and you take a selfie with the cell phone? What can I do to make the bad barks quit chasing me? They didn’t catch me this date. I ran into a log that they couldn’t get into. Can you help me out? Signed Faster than Pooches

Dear Faster than Pooches
This is an easy one…STOP TAKING SELFIES!! Seriously dude, put the phone down and walk away. We guarantee you those pooches won’t even sniff you twice if you get rid of the phone and start behaving like an ordinary cat. Nobuddy likes a show off especially a show off who needs to document his every move, meal and meow.  Embrace living off the grid.  Wally & Sammy

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
I don’t get it. I jumped in this box. My human dad took a pen and did something to the front. Afterward he was laughing hysterically. I don’t get it. Can you help me out? Signed Bat Cat

Dear Bat Cat
What can we say, small things amuse small (hooman) minds. We can see what effect your dad was going for here butt unfortunately it is lost as soon as you climb out of the box. We recommend pushing the box to the nearest mirror…it will all make sense then.  And remember: Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman cat, then always be Batmancat.  And remember: Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman cat, then always be Batmancat.

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Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
2 Comments

Posted by on September 2, 2014 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Pee-Pee Dance Anyone?

My mom and dad – shakes piggy head.  Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud.  It’s the truth.  I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble.  I will never learn.  But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.

You see, they out for dinner last night.  Nothing wrong with that.  They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s Bacon’s parents”.  Snorts – I <3 how they have no identity anymore.  They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left.  Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other.  I’m sure you know the one.  It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty?  It’s a long ride home.”  Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.”  Famous last words huh?

So they get into Albert, mom’s little Smart car, for the ride home.  About mid way home, mom can be seen behind the wheel starting the dance.  Oh you know what I’m talking about.  The pee-pee dance.  The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush.  Yeah right – it never does.  This is when Albert pumps up the volume and makes the hamsters in the engine go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’.  All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement.  Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.

Then daddy goes to the next step to irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance.  He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?”  See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that.  All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.

So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling.  Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point.  Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it.  Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.

By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in.  So I do what I do best.  I get excited and start squealing.  What?  It’s what I do – snorts.  Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson.  Why?  Because she really, REALLY has to go now.  If she moves, well you know what will happen.

So she stands there.  I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?”  Then I jumped on her.  Not good.  Not good at all in her situation – snorts.  Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy.  It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes.  Now my friends – that is a visual.  She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room.  I go to the door to listen.

So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble.  They do just fine here at home – snorts.  And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy :)

 
11 Comments

Posted by on September 1, 2014 in Bacon

 

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Happy Labor Day!

Journalist Rock the Squirrel here -

Keeping my paws on the nuts of the world!

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Today, September 1 is Labor Day.  Labor Day is celebrated every year on the first Monday of September and is a United States federal holiday.  Labor Day celebrates the social and economic contributions of workers.  This day is often associated with parades, food and the end of summer.  Labor Day also marks the beginning of the NFL and college football seasons.  I’ve heard that Bacon and his dad live for this time of year here at the Hotel Thompson – YAY!

So this day, enjoy your cookout.  Enjoy your family.  Celebrate your day and be safe my friends!

 

 
18 Comments

Posted by on September 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Never Argue With Children

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24 Comments

Posted by on August 31, 2014 in Bacon

 

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Happy International Bacon Day 2014

A day all to myself – International Bacon Day 2014!

A celebration of bacon – the pig – moi.  Okay so maybe *I* won’t celebrate today like some humans or other anipals but I will celebrate my day.  I mean how many people have a holiday for them – BACON DAY?  Snorts – bring on some fun my friends!

Today, I will be HAMbassador of this day.  This is me getting my “hams” massaged by mommy.  Noticed the smile on my face.  I’m as happy as a pig in mud.  No, wait a minute.  What does that saying mean?  “As happy as a pig in mud”.  Isn’t that dirty and messy AND outside?  Why would I be happy dirty and messy and outside?  That doesn’t make sense.  Let me rephrase that.  I’m as happy as a spoiled rotten miniature pot bellied pig that stays inside and has his own room and his own television and his own bed.  There – that’s more exact, you think?  Snorts.

On this day, I proclaim it’s me day.  I shall do nothing.  I shall be cuddled.  I shall be loved.  I shall be waited on hand and feet (literally).  I shall be fed grapes off of a stem.  I shall have control of the remote control.  I shall do no wrong.

uum… wait a minute.  I get all of that every day, not just today on my special day.  Let me rethink real quick.  Okay I got it.

I proclaim today International Bacon Day.  A day of no wrong.  Sammy - will you be my court jester?  Let’s celebrate this special day with all of our special friends here!  All hail Bacon Day!

 
41 Comments

Posted by on August 30, 2014 in Bacon

 

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Who Needs An Elf?

PigLove:

Oh dear piggy heavens above. Looks at the captured elf on my desk and really fears for it – snorts. XOXO – Bacon

Originally posted on Evil Squirrel's Nest:

shelf

My friend Bacon is running a contest to try and find a worthy home for one of his friends.  That friend just happens to be an elf… and at that, a possible conspirator with the infamous evil Elf on a Shelf of the Hotel Thompson, Don Juan!  As you can see, my shelf is already bursting with friends of my own.  But that never stops me from trying to pick up a new companion to watch me type all these crappy posts on my blog, so I am officially entering Bacon’s contest with this post!  Since I’m lazy I thought it would only be fair to let the current denizens of my shelf make their own case for wanting to welcome Don Juan’s friend into their lives… so I’ll let them take it away from here!

tiresquirrel

It’s the tire swing squirrel here.  Hanging around on my Goodyear perch makes…

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2 Comments

Posted by on August 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Happy LONG Weekend!

Oh friends – can you smell it?  Here comes a wonderful LONG weekend.  Full of fun, food, cuddles, food, love, food, backyard fun, food, television, sleep and more food – snorts. You get the drift – let’s all have some fun.  Kick your feet up, snuggle down on the couch, gather in the back yard to make S’mores and have F.U.N.

Have a great LONG weekend my friends!  I’ll be thinking of you!

 
24 Comments

Posted by on August 29, 2014 in Bacon

 

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